


Youth In A Nutshell

by Rureikia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Female Protagonist, I Tried, POV First Person, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28117197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rureikia/pseuds/Rureikia
Summary: They didn't date until later, but she always had a crush on him since middle school, which is her most committed accomplishment to this day.She once thought of Kita and her as childhood sweethearts that would bloom into lovers eventually, gradually. But, they were nothing like that.They were just kids that went to the same school, lived close together... Her being the struggling type, he being the very very amazing type.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, apologies in advance! I only write first person since I find it easier to read in my head and it's actually really fun to write this way too;; I wanted to post on AO3 too to avoid any redistribution of my works 😭
> 
> This story is suggested for young adults, primarily 15+ so there will be themes such as alcohol and suggestive references. Please read with care.

It was during 2015 Autumn around 9 PM when I was sitting on the benches outside a local konbini store nearby my home.

While recalling the atmosphere of the night, I remember it being very dark out with only the lights from the store being the most reliable source. Then, there was also flickering of the lamp posts which weren't very helpful in making anything more clear – in fact it was so dark out to the point you couldn't see stars and even the moon struggled to stay awake.

My boyfriend at the time wasn't sitting, rather he was crouched down in front of me, watching my weakening structure. 

In his hands, he was tightly gripping onto my hands causing a spiral of bitterness run dry in my throat. And suddenly I became hesitant about what was to come because of this direct contact.

We were college students here, both around 21, so still both considerably young – I being the one carrying the most childish vulnerability due to my nature.

This whole thing occurred in a much solitude time of life where I was often frustrated over what has been happening between me and him. I thought deeply about how things weren't like how it used to be before, and we knew that there were changes in our relationship – but I'm not sure why we didn't do anything about it. 

Eventually, I didn't know how to overcome these frequent barriers that were splitting us apart, making me feel utterly useless. Hence why I spoke words that my logic didn't say, rather my small heart did instead.

"Let's break up." I puffed out bravely.

He blankly stared at me, lips slightly parted as if I had gone mad and turned into a lunatic.

"Do you know what you're even saying?"

I nodded slowly in response, not daring to look him in the eyes for too long, "Let's break up Kita."

...

And so after a relationship lasting an evolving three years, there arrived a decision to end it.

I forgot about the amount of emotions that were arguing constantly in my brain back then, actually I only remember me holding back the desperate need to cry. To stop myself, I was pursing my lips to a thin line and doing my absolute best to not make any unnecessary movements. I did this in order for him to not study me and make any remarks that can make me seem like the indecisive or inferior one. And somehow he didn't pick me out, so that plan managed to work.

I in particular went dead quiet straight after repeating those words to him. But Kita, he finally speaks again in order to break that excruciatingly long momentary pause...

…

"Then you better not regret it." He harshly said, releasing his hands off mine. Then standing up, he walked away... I don't know where.

And so we both left.

I can't describe it too well, but there was a hole in my heart seeing him not look back and continue leaving in that awfully distant pace. And I just watched, then glanced down at my hands that were fisted together on my lap.

When people break up, I usually thought that there would be more drama, especially if they were two individuals that really loved each other. However me and Kita did not experience any major events like that.

We broke up in a lukewarm and cold way, exactly like that... And I was quite surprised to be honest... Two people that have known each other for years suddenly stop talking as if they're strangers. Now having nothing to do with one another in an instant click of a button.


	2. Chapter 2

“Why me?”

“Because you’re single and you’re my life long best friend! Friends have each other’s back, no?”

I stared at Sumiko and instantly shook my head to reject the idea, “Then I don’t want my back anymore. I don’t want to go.”

“Ah (Y/N) please.” She clasps her hands in a prayer pose.

A long, tired sigh escapes from my mouth, but she stays stubborn and chooses not to listen to my aspect of the situation, “Uwaaaah, Sumiko what do you not get? I do not go to those sort of events. Who do you think I am?"   
  


Even after I had given her the belated answer she didn’t like, Sumiko decided to lean on my work desk further and pulled a rare puppy-dog expression.

She’s not actually like this, trust me. Sumiko is much more mature than me, but today she’s extremely persistent in acting like a crazy aunt because of this silly little blind date thing.   
  
  


"You’re a bland person (Y/N), that’s what I think. And you’re literally only going as a substitute so you don’t have to uh - _date_ anyone,” she explains, “Tag along, you might even enjoy yourself for once. You never have fun anymore, and it’ll be like the old times!”

Her hopeful smile doesn’t affect me, rather made my eyebrow twitch. Thus, I returned back to my computer screen and continued typing up work as a way to defocus my mind off her, “I don’t know what you mean. Of course I have fun, I just don’t really like blind dates.”

“Goukon is fun though! _And_ you’re single.”  
  
  


Right, she doesn’t need to mention that I’m single over and over again like that…  
  
  


“Aha, but you said that I don’t need to date anyone.” I contemptuously reminded her.

Her expression changes from my words, “Oh, whoops… Yeah whatever! Well, the point is that our other girl can’t make it, and we can’t have one guy hanging ‘cuz it’ll be really awkward being the only partner-less one.”

“Mm, I see.”

“You know what? If you join, I’ll even pay for all the stuff you order in the restaurant we’re meeting at.”  
  
  


Oh actually, that’s something I love to hear on an overworked Friday… Especially since I’m a person that will never be made out of money and buy luxuries.

This statement was the only part that caught my attention fully. Because it’s free stuff. That particular free stuff being my hearty dinner for tonight.  
  
  


I raised a brow as a sign of piqued interest, “Everything…? Are you sure? Really?”

“That includes drinks, yes…” Sumiko looks at me with a proud face, “Absolutely everything.”

Smiling curiously I was beginning to consider accepting the offer, “Is there anything else?”

“What do you want?” She says.  
  
  


For a second, I put a finger to my chin and looked up at the ceiling to hum a heavy brainstorm teasingly.

There was this one idea I had which was going to turn this into a sort of win-win situation for my remaining hours left here. And so I chuckled at Sumiko in this suspicious style whilst her smile instantly wiped off her face - a pensive expression replaced that smile.

Even when watching her quick shift of emotions, I kept beaming as my mind made the decision.   
  
  


“Here.” I said.   
  
  


I had grabbed the four large piles of documents that were all 5cm thick.

Earlier, it was idly lying next to my computer, waiting for me to start on it. And now, I placed it in front of Sumiko, where she then gawked at me.

You know what made it better? That loud _flop_ sound it made after being dropped. 

“W-What?” She gasped.

“Haha, you can do my work.”

With my clenched fist raised in front of my face, I furrow my brows in determination. She on the other hand glared at me with threatening intent.

“Thank you very much!” I said, “I’m very excited for this event now Amaya Sumiko! But take your time, do your best!”

“Why (Y/N) -!! You little rascal, you’re taking advantage of this aren’t you?!” She exhales heavily in disbelief through her mouth.

My chin moves to rest elegantly over on my two intertwined hands that were put up on the desk, “So, when is it? Tell me more, I’m so very excited for this. Is it after work? Seven? Eight? Or are we going wild and starting at nine? Which restaurant is it? ”

“God. You’re never funny when you do this.” She pretends to throw the documents in my face, I however pretended to act scared by shielding myself with my arms. Afterwards, Sumiko continues, “I won’t be the one picking the restaurant, but this other guy is gonna do it and he’ll text us the location probably an hour before it starts at eight.”

“Oh so in three hours to get work done?” I ask.

“…Yeah. I guess.”

“Then you better get all that work done or else you’ll be working overtime instead of going on dates haha.”  
  
  


She scowls at me and I grin with my teeth showing.

I soon observed her storm off to the opposite side of the office where her own work station was whilst I was still jokingly beaming behind her.  
  
  
  
  


…  
  
  
  
  


I went back to thinking of what could happen with me and the others over in that meetup. I think it won’t go awfully too perfect for me, not that meaning I will be pessimistic about it. Ah I’ll say it a bit clearer - what I mean is that I won’t really be interested in finding someone there since I prefer to meet someone by chance and not choice.  
  
  


Haha, to be honest… I haven’t dated for a while or done anything like this. Well I haven’t been in a stable relationship in general for a while. So I’m now kind of nervous…  
  
  


I’ve been on a couple dates here and there but never actually got myself a significant other ever since my first real relationship. And it made me a little teary-eyed as I thought my _first real_ boyfriend was probably also my… _(sniffs)_ … Final…  
  
  


I’d grow into an elderly person and not understand the concept of romantic love anymore as I haven’t experienced it in absolute decades by then. Ultimately, I will live life as a lonely senior with dozens of pets to keep me company instead.

If you put yourself in a positive mindset, it sounded quite nice, living with animals until death. But I do not carry that positive mindset so it ended up not sounding very nice.  
  
  


I did want to find someone before my parents send pictures of potential partners for me to meet and greet… In fact, they’ve already started - and no matter how many times I tell mom that I’m not interested at the moment, she persists.

Mom wants me to find someone, get married, live in a better house, be financially stable and add new children to the family tree one day, all that whatnot!

Of course, I know she’s just worried about my future, but how am I supposed to find love if I basically forgot how it feels? 

In addition, there was also this. My lack of feeling for romance is often what makes all the dates I’ve been on every blue moon, only be _a_ date. Only one date, never another one again. I just can’t seem to identify a sort of love with other people, and it makes me afraid about my future.

I guess another factor for my lack of dating experience may be due to my specifically high-level standards I have raised. Because ever since three years ago, I now tend to struggle to find a suitable partner that would make me feel as much emotions as my last one did.

After all, I can’t lie to myself that me dating my ex-boyfriend was something I think during some of my nights, not that I wish to reunite of course. But I think about how it’s a little strange that he’s the one of the only people I’m not related to I’ve known for a large portion of my life and also the one I strived for more than my current career.   
  
  
  
  


The most important thing to me is my job. But back then, the most important thing to me was him.   
  
  
  
  


From the beginning of middle school, I’ve known him and I proceeded to get to know him at high school too. So in a way, we were childhood friends, right?

We lived in the same neighbourhood , him actually living right opposite me - we went to the exact same schools too, middle, high school and college. It was like we were meant to be or something haha!  
  
  


Well… His name was Kita Shinsuke.  
  
  


He’s definitely the _I’m-so-perfect-and-good-looking-but-don’t-know-it_ kind of guy, if you get what I mean.

Kita was respected by so many people. He’s responsible, always got excellent top tier grades, talks very polite Japanese, always was the teacher’s favorite, was even captain of our high school’s volleyball team and mentioning it once more, he was quite good looking too. For a bit, I kept having this stigma that his existence was simply unfair and unbelievable… He can do practically anything and wouldn’t react that much as if he’s some kind of snobby prince. But soon, when I observed him more, everything was done unintentionally and he was simply like that.

…

Often in stories, dramas or anything similar, two kids that live closeby, or have known each other since young are portrayed as something incredibly sweet. Most commonly called this concept of childhood sweethearts.

Two kids would routinely go to and from school together, possibly holding hands, picking sticks that look like magical wands from the ground, buying ice pops in the summer, blowing bubbles, they’d get told off by the elders, constantly spark up trouble together and they’d pet the stray cats etcetera, etcetera. These two would enjoy each other’s presence obliviously not knowing what would develop in the future. Because once those kids grow up, only then would they realize what they share is a friendship that has actually been blooming into love.   
  
  


I guess that’s my summary of one of the examples of childhood sweethearts, but I have yet another one to mention!

Two kids in a love-hate scenario this time, to which I think is a little more complicated.  
  
  


In this case, one party doesn’t like the other at first. However, the other party would take somewhat interest whilst still not liking them too. So throughout time, these two will glare and click their tongues in irritation, not even batting an eye of respect at one another. And so their initial relationship therefore being rigid and competitive - but likewise, once they grow up and become more mature, they come to realize they’re used to each other’s presence so much that it’s odd to not live without it! Suddenly they’re like, _(gasp) Oh!! It_ ** _must_** _be true love!!_

Maybe if fate had given me a childhood sweetheart like that, I could walk around with hearts in my eyes like what you’d see in television shows.

But me and Kita weren’t really like either of those.  
  
  


We really and truly were just two separate lives that lived coincidentally close.   
  
  


At my younger age, I’d be at home reading manga, watching Doraemon and singing the opening song for Cutie Honey Flash, as Kita would be doing all his homework, playing sports and helping around his house.

It was definitely during middle school. That’s when I started to notice Kita a bit more. I mean to be fair, he went to the same school as me, we left at the same time and we also lived in the same area, who on earth wouldn’t notice? And at some point, we were put in the same classes miraculously too.

He was for sure a very good boy. Always completed work to his full potential with that annoying photographic memory of his, often did lunchtime duties and was consistently showered compliments by the teachers! Gah! Wasn’t fair!   
  
  


He sat next to me in year 2 middle school which was probably the year I began liking him even more. Because I would turn my head and just see him and then my whole peripheral vision was also still just, _him_.

Kita and me never bickered at that time slot nor did we talk too much - come to think of it, I think it’s either because I was too scared or because of his introvertedly noiseless attitude. Well, more or less I disliked arguing so I thought if I ever argued with a boy like Kita, it would end in the worst.  
  
  


There was actually this one memorable time, still set in 2nd year middle school, where me and Kita were the ones chosen by the teacher to hand out the numbered vests for P.E. as everyone was going to join in for soccer. There were around 45 vests in total, Kita handed out a pathetic number of 6, then left to go play ball as the other boys asked him, subsequently leaving me behind to do the rest…

I was therefore running around angrily, trying to hand out all the remaining vests for everyone.

Funnily, the less vests I gradually had, the more I got angry since it reminded me how the one that handed the majority of these, were all me.

It was only when I finished handing them out and the teachers told us to find a partner to stretch with, I bumped into Kita again purely by accident.

Looking at him made me mad. At that second, I wish I had scolded or ranted to him or even thrown my numbered vest to his face to the very least, but we partnered up automatically and I had no time or build-up of confidence to do any of that. Instead, I just copied how he was stretching with a scornful face.  
  
  


He was stretching with complete concentration adding onto this air of tranquility as if he forgot what he just did, and I was weakly doing the same whilst trying to keep my petty thoughts in check.

By the time I twisted my torso to do a different stretch, I glanced at Kita where he was doing a stretch with the opposite arm. And I stood there, watching him, with a slightly open-mouthed expression, similar to a fish.

I was baffled how he was wearing the same tattered and ugly green vest as everyone else in class and how he was wearing just our school’s plain P.E clothes - yet somehow, the wind gently brushed his hair, the sunlight made his dark eyes brighter and I saw how he was noiselessly mouthing numbers to himself to count his seconds of stretching.  
  
  


Similar to a movie, time stopped. Everything turned slo-mo and my heart had a strong twinge at the sight of him.   
  
  


It was right then, that was the promising moment I fell for Kita.


End file.
